A friend is going through a very hard breakup and as a Coach I had to sit back and watch it unfold. Now I am not saying that I knew it was going to happen when and how it did. Yet it was easy to see how my friend was ignoring “what was”. When we complain about or reject what is in front of us it comes out of an assumption of how we think things should or could be. In terms of a relationship, if you are complaining about what is happening more than you are enjoying what is happening then it must come to an end. If we don’t allow the end to happen naturally or amicably we experience the heartbreaking break-up.
In the beginning of a relationship it’s the BEST! You can’t get enough of the other person. I would crave the smell of my wife’s perfume. I loved everything about her. Translation “I accepted everything about her”. She could do no wrong. As time wore on I began to apply titles to my Love, girlfriend, wife, mother, lover, woman, etc. With each title came the assumptions of what I though she should or could be. I was constantly comparing her to other women from my past. My Grandmother would always do this, my favorite Aunt would do this, and on and on. I no longer had a Love, a focus, or acceptance of her and so our breakup was inevitable.